Corporate Life

Sycophants Unite!

  No more than our very way of life is at stake.  Though we have labored in the shadows to maintain the perception of our importance, our status is yet again challenged.  How many meetings must we attend feigning agreement, harrumphing, and vigorously head-nodding as the old man labors on about values?  Have we not bled the company colors?  We work with great patience waiting for the right opportunity to stab those who would provide us with an opportunistic advancement.  Dodging, wavering, feinting, and may I say, deftly maneuvering around any real responsibility, this is the work of a true believer.  All of this may be for naught my brothers, we have in our midst an aberration, something of a unicorn in the corporate world, an actual doer!  Lo, she doesn’t understand the concept of pacing, or deferring, or nay even blaming others, incredible how one can get this far with out even a modicum of understanding of these basic concepts.  She does what she says she is going to do, on time mind you, quietly completing her tasks and providing timely concise updates as needed.  I had to stop the meaningless, yet very colorful, presentation I was putting together outlining and taking credit for the work other teams had completed to compose this very missive to rally the troops.  We need a champion to challenge this upstart and prove to leadership that she is not worthy of their attention.  You know me brothers, I would gladly take up the claim, but alas I have meetings to attend else I run the risk of being assigned deliverables.  Will one of you vanquish this foe before it is too late?

Your Brother in Arms,

Terrance

Re: Sycophants Unite!

  Dark times indeed, I believe the name of the miscreant is Jessica Boxer, something must be done to put down this rebellion else we risk slipping back into the void.  I would recommend we stall her as a mitigation, we could use a modified “Fight the power point” tactic, we attend a few of her meetings and ask her to put together slides on the work she has already completed, this will take time away from doing real work.  Unfortunately, I cannot help out, I have meetings to attend, and my pet hamster Arnold broke his forearms, so now I have to bottle feed him as well as hold him while he runs on his wheel at night.  Arnold is a fighter and I have to be there for him, please don’t ask how he broke his forearms.  Good luck getting this straightened out.

Fellow Brother,

Leopold

Re Re:  “Sycophants Unite!”

  Treasonous scoundrel, this woman must be stopped at all costs!  I advocate a more direct approach, we engage her supervisor with the “he said, she didn’t really say” tactic and get her wound around the axel of the bureaucracy.  We tell her boss that we heard from a colleague in a meeting that she said that she didn’t think the project she was working on was that important.  If he is worth his salt that will get him fired up, than we sit back and watch the show.  Boxer is it?  Well she better know how to bob and weave.  I cannot help with this task as it way below my station.  I have important meetings to attend, also I found out recently that I am suffering from an almost complete lack of empathy, I am working with my doctor to get rid of the rest of it.  Godspeed getting us all out of this jam.

A concerned advocate,

Manny

Re Re Re: “Sycophants Unite!”

  What has the world come to?  It should be a gilded age of prosperity, not a headlong slide back into the dark ages.  This is our time, not enough skilled workers to fill all of the open positions it is prime coasting time, you don’t need to fly very low to avoid the radar.  Desperate times and all that, I think we should go nuclear, use the “shiny things” tactic.  We approach our friends at marketing and explain that her project is yesterday’s news and the new new way of accomplishing a similar result with more impact is this brand new approach, that is actually something that was done the 50’s but has been rebranded to be techi-er.  They will stall the project, research the new new whatever and it, as well her, may never recover.  Of course you know I cannot help with this endeavor, meetings blah blah, and my emotional support squirrel, Jumbo, got struck by lightning and he is not doing well.  He recently got out of traction, but still has the full body bandage that I need to change out daily.  I don’t know how much longer he has left.  I grieve for him, as well as for all of the potential work he would have gotten me out of, it is a sad day indeed.

Bonded in spirit,

Billy Ray